Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all my brothers and sisters out there. I thank God for the gift He gave freely to all of us. It may sound cliche' but it truly is the MOST important thing to remember that Christmas is not just a day where we give all our family members and close friends all these gifts that we stayed up til midnight on Christmas Eve trying to get wrapped, it is a day that we celebrate because GOD CAME to the Earth in order to show us a supernatural love and to save us from our own flesh and blood. PRAISE GOD FOR HIS LOVE. He truly is inspirational like no other. As I remember the birth of my savior today, I contemplate everything He represented as He was born to a teenage girl in a stable. He, God of all the world allowed Himself to become a helpless baby in order to save those He loved so much. I'm so grateful for that. This morning I opened up presents, and gave presents, and got to be with my family in our warm house, and our very unusual and nontraditional Mexican feast is being cooked downstairs. I feel so blessed, and guilty that we have once again had a year of overabundant blessing, and have not given any of it away. My little brother (who, by the way is only 11 and I'm SO PROUD OF HIM) and I often talk about how we want to change things in the world, and we've both decided that our Christmases involve TOO much getting, when truly the giving is what it was all about. I can't wait until next Christmas! I pray God gives you a vision this new year to see things changed around you, that He gives you new hopes and dreams, and the strength and courage and a way to carry all these things out. Happy Birthday, Jesus! :)

Tears over the lost

My God my God, my heart is for the fatherless. The orphan in natural and in spirit. All I desire in my life is to bring Your love to them.

The truth is, when I look into the face of those kids, there is no place that I see Jesus more clearly. Maybe that, although selfish as it may be, is the place I found God. Isn't that where we're all searching for? That one place where we can feel and see and know the heart of God better than anywhere else? To feel his love? Many many MANY nights I have cried bitter tears since I have been home at what I've had to return to. I struggled to allow myself to feel loved by Him because all I could think about is how much I knew He loved China. How much He loved every one of those kids whether they made it from that ditch in the pouring rain to the orphanage or not. Honestly I came to the point in my life where I had to decide whether or not I was going to "take my faith with me" as I set out in my life to really grow up into the person I'm going to be. I know for certain that if I hadn't had those experiences in China, such sweet moments where all I could feel was me and Him even if there were ten other people in the room, I wouldn't be able to struggle through these doubts and not give up. I'm not giving up. I refuse to give up. No matter how bad it gets. The only other option is to be completely alone in my struggles. I'd be stupid to choose that. I'm done running. I just want to be back in the place that I belong with God. I want to be healed from everything I've gone through this year and I want to know how to LOVE like I've never loved before. Ever. I know I'm just a struggling foolish child, but the good thing is I know He's standing over me smiling and delighting in me and all the good He sees, all the potential, all the things I WILL be, and the fact that my heart truly does desire Him. THAT is all that matters to Him, and it is good to feel relief, to feel free in Him again.

The best sermon I've heard in a long time.

One Month Update

A little more than one month. It feels like an eternity that I've been back. The update letters still haven't been sent, most of the gifts so carefully chosen still sit in my room, and here I am.
I am so convinced that this fog must be a natural thing when someone leaves the place where they feel they make the most difference, where they feel like they are needed, and yet still in awe of how little they are and how really they can do nothing except what God allows, and what He planned for them to do. I have struggled with disillusionment. I have to be honest the road back to reality of where I am in life hasn't been easy. I apologize to those that follow my story and are waiting to hear about how great my time in China was. I promise you WILL hear about it, but this is a facet of ministry that I think is equally important to deal with.

I arrived back home to the beginning of a FULL school year ahead of me, and questions. My last two weeks in China were certainly the most powerful of the entire time I had spent there. That only made it harder for me to leave. I connected with other people like me who truly cared, witnessed the miracles of God's mercy, and understood compassionate love on a whole new level. Was not that what I was created for? If it was, why do I feel so completely useless here? The single biggest thing I have struggled with coming back here, was that I feel like I have lost my voice. In China, it was easy to talk with others who, like me, had a passion to see the lost get found and set free. Here, it feels more like I'm standing next to a roaring waterfall trying to shout, but as loud as I try to be, the people around me can't hear, or choose not to listen. It's not to say that I don't believe there are others out there who desperately want to be heard. People who care so much about something that it becomes the single most frustrating part of every day to watch everyone around them pass right by without hearing, or worse; nod their head like they agree, and then watch them walk away.

I've learned that quite honestly, it's a whole heck of a lot harder to believe in the power of God in America when everything in the "Christian" society I've grown up in my whole life has turned out to be basically nothing but a bunch of plastic smiles and people who have been so brainwashed by the American IDEA of what "CHURCH" is that they cannot make themselves CARE. I feel sad for them! Truly I pity everything they're missing, but sometimes it is really hard to feel compassionate towards them. How do you save the people who think they are already saved? The single hardest group of individuals to communicate the desires of God's heart for the world with are those that have money to paste over their eyes so that they cannot see, and their ears so they cannot hear. Those who are in more need than any others are those who refuse to believe they have a need they cannot meet themselves. My prayer is that God would use me to help open their eyes, and give me just one person who understands and will join me in shouting beside the waterfall until somebody hears.

Last Update from China! :(

I know that it has been a while since anyone has
seen a post from me. I apologize for that. Our last
few weeks here have been swamped with activity. Last
week we had a team from North Central University here
working in the orphanage. It was a sweet time. So many
things happened that I don't feel I can do justice by
telling them in writing. Those stories are ones I will
save for telling in person. So many barriers were broken
down, so many miracles were experienced in our hearts,
and I think it is certain to say that it was an amazing
time. I wish I could say more here - I truly do - but I can't
just yet. We leave at 5 am on Monday morning to fly to
Beijing, early Tuesday morning to fly to the states, and I
leave late Wednesday morning to return home. I can't
believe how quickly two months have passed. Although I
am of course excited to see my family and have good coffee
once again ;), my heart is breaking over having to leave.
These people and their land have my heart. Pray for my
journey back to the states as I'm trying to process
everything that has happened over these past two months.
I will leave it at that, and talk to you all when I get
home in just four days!!! I can't wait to tell everyone
all about everything that HE has done this summer.

In Him,
Hannah

First Mission Complete!

Hello everyone!!!

So sorry that it has taken me so long to write an update...
we have been very busy!!! Our team arrived last Monday night
without any complications. What precious people! They jumped
straight into the work they came here to do despite jet lag,
language barrier, and stress from traveling for more than 36
hours straight. Wednesday we spent the whole day from 9-6 at
the church doing a dental, optical, and general medical clinic.
It was the coolest thing ever to give a 70 year old woman her
first pair of glasses so that she could see better than she
had in three decades! I also got to use a squatty potty for the
very first time. Sounds fun, right? LOL okay not really. ;)

Thursday was our day with the babies. What a precious time
that was! Each and every one of those kids were so responsive
to the love we gave them. It was amazing to see their little faces
light up with smiles when we picked them up and kissed them.
Love is truly a universal language. Friday we were again at
the church. We spent time just praying for the members and talking
with them. (they thought i could speak Chinese just because I knew
a few sentences.... kinda funny!)  Friday night was our last night with
the team, and what a blessed time it was!! We had dinner at the
hotel and got to give them each their awards for the week. Even
though we only spent four days with them, we all felt like
family by the end of the week. It was a great experience.
I spent the whole day again on Saturday at the orphanage with
the babies! (I promise I will post pictures as soon as I can)
It was a great day, and I miss those precious little ones so much already!

Please pray for our all of us here. Some family emergencies came up,
and now my friend and her father are having to go home early. They
leave early Monday morning. Please pray for safe travel for them, and
a supernatural grace for Kim and I to handle the college team that
is coming for two weeks. There are 15 of them, and that is a big
group for us to handle by ourselves. They will mostly be helping
out with us at the orphanage, and I have been put in charge of
the team that will be in the infant care unit! They arrive august 11th,
so please pray that we would have everything prepared when they
get here!!

I've learned so much these past three weeks that I have been here. God
is using a new teaching method with me this summer, and it has certainly
been an interesting process. In America, I'm used to making plans. I always
know what I'm doing, where I'm going, and when I'm gonna be there. In China,
I have been thrown into a culture that I was completely caught off guard by.
It's the exact opposite. We never know what we're going to be doing, or when,
until a few moments before we have to be ready to jump right into it. I have
been learning that a lot of times, that's how our lives are with God.
We can plan and plan all we want, but God sometimes expects us to
do the unexpected. I marvel at the way He weaves one event after another
together so that things that might seem YEARS into the future can
start falling into place even now.

Again,sorry that it took so long to do an update. My mom has told
me that she was getting a lot of questions about me lately. I shall look
to post another update as soon as there are more things to talk about.

Love you all!

Update Numero Dos

Hello friends!!!
This is my last update before I leave to spend time with
the precious babies at the Geiju orphanage for a WEEK! Since
we are going to be working eighteen hour days, I am hoping
that I will be able to update at least once while I am there,
but the pictures will have to come later. We are gonna be SWAMPED.
The team arrives tonight, and we are going to be leaving in the
early morning to drive to Geiju. The road is long and can be
dangerous, so please pray for our safety. We are beyond excited;
me especially, because I finally get to see the place that my sister
spent the first 21 months of her life.:)

This past week has been less than easy. With everyone jet lagging,
we have all been cranky and are still figuring out how to function all
together as one family without killing each other. It's a learning
process. I know that while a lot of it may not be pleasant, it is
necessary, and in the end I will grow from it.

A few prayer points:
- My visa, unlike the family I'm traveling with,
was only issued for thirty days. Please pray that
we can get it renewed without any problems from the
government.

- Our schedule for Geiju is still up in the air even
though we are going to arrive less than 24 hours from now.
Pray for the right doors to be opened, and the wrong doors
to be shut.

- Supernatural grace for the team as they are flying in tonight
(having traveled more than thirty hours)to be able to do the
medical work they came to do.

- for our family to be at peace with each other even when there is
conflict or disagreement.

- For my family back in the states to be at peace while I'm
gone. I know they miss me. ;)

Thank you all so much for the love and support that
you have shown me. It means so much to me. I love you guys!!!

Hopefully another update will be coming your way soon.

Blessings,
Hannah

WE MADE IT!!!

Hannah's mom posting for Hannah here who has no facebook and no access to blogspot! Here's the update:

Greetings friends! I am happy to announce to you that i am
in Ch*na safe and sound and loving every moment of it!!:)
Thank you for your continued prayers and support; it is
greatly appreciated by all five of us. We have spent almost
one week together already!! My how the time is flying! I arrived
with absolutely no problems on Tuesday afternoon in MN and immediately
jumped into helping pack up the last of their things to move.
The next morning was moving day and thanks to some sweet friends,
we got everything moved to the new house within a matter of only
about three hours. The next day we spent finishing up some
final preparations for our trip, and resting. Our international
flights also went extremely smooth and nothing was lost so PTL!!
We are now here in Yunn*n and I am loving it!! We are all having
a difficult time getting on the right schedule. We all fell asleep
at 6 pm last night and woke up at 2!!! Needless to say, this time
adjustment hasn't been as easy for me this time as it was last, so please
pray that we would all get on schedule soon! My transition into
the family has gone extremely well, and for that I am so thankful!!
I ask that you would continue to lift us up and ask that
there would be a spirit of peace over the household for the next seven
weeks that we're here. I'm sitting on the ledge of the window
(don't WORRY mom! It's all glassed in!!!! :P) looking out over the
mountains and I can't help smiling because I'm finally back "home" again.
The people here are beautiful, and the land and the parks and gardens are
such a sight for sore eyes. I love it all; even the parts that
other people consider dirty. So far my favorite experience has been
taking little Mia out to the lake inside our compound to feed the fish
in the pond! We got to get so close to the waters' edge that the fish
were splashing us as they hungrily gobbled up the bagel we brought along
for them. We have a few more days to rest and get adjusted before our
first team comes in! I am so excited to go to the orphanage. Pray for us
that we would connect with the right people, and that we would all
have the wisdom to know when to speak. I will write more soon, and please
feel free to email me at kiddo13ster@gmail.comif you want to know anything else.
I love and miss you all and appreciate so much your continued
prayers and support.

Much love,
Hannah

Last pre-China update!!!!

Hello all!!! I'm officially about to begin my trek to China tomorrow (friday) at about 11:30 in the morning. I am so excited to finally be going!!! We have been busy here in MN getting everything moved into the new house, but we are so excited to be finally on our way in the mornings!! I know that there are exciting things for me on this trip! The family and I have meshed together SO well! We are all having fun and I love being with them. They are like my second family and having time to draw even closer with them this summer is such a wonderful opportunity. Thanks to all you who kept me in your prayers during my flights! I had an unHEARD of easy time. No delays, no plane issues, no baggage problems, it was completely flawless and not stressful at all. Thank you thank you thank you for being behind me 100%!!!! :) We will fly straight from MN to Tokyo, then catching a late flight to Beijing, spending the night, and arriving to Yunnan on the fourth of July! What an awesome way to spend independence day! This excites me! I love being the intern this summer! Haha. Well, more updates are to come soon! The next one will be from China!!!

Love and blessings to all,
Hannah

Second pre trip update

Hello dear friends and family!

I am rejoicing today as I get to the final 12 days before travel! I know that God has amazing plans to change my life by allowing me to be a part of changing others' lives. I want to thank you for the love and support you have shown me, even though this may seem a bit of a crazy adventure for someone my age to be taking on. My 30 day visa came in the mail yesterday, so I am all good for the first thirty days in country (trusting HIM to help us get the visas renewed while in country!!) Here are some prayer points:

• Finances are still much needed to make this trip possible without large amounts of debt. (about $2500) Right now the majority of money I had to spend on flights was charged to a credit card and the balance is now sitting on the account. Please pray that God will provide me with everything I need financially.
  
• I have less than two weeks and I still haven't gotten started on packing yet! Pray I don't forget anything I really need!!!!
  
• Again I ask that everyone continues to pray and lift up my family (especially my sisters) in prayer while I am gone. The girls are very much saddened by the fact that I am leaving and don't want me to go. The fact that they don't have any concept of time only makes it harder on them. They don't understand why I have to leave them behind, and it is hurting their hearts.
  
• PLEASE pray for me to have peace and joy as I leave. I am just a bit nervous about being away from my family for this long as well, but this opportunity was clearly a God thing, and I want to be able to feel the amazing joy God always brings to me when I am caring for "the least of these"

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate every prayer said for me and everything concerning my trip. It is the thing that lifts me up daily when I get discouraged.

I love you all!
Hannah

Offensive warriors

Okay so I'm not an expert at putting the things on my heart into words, but I'll continue to try (and hopefully improve!) anyways.

Over the past few weeks, I've taken a good long look at Christians in the American church. I've taken the time to really review every strength and weakness I see in the church as a whole, and while I have seen GOOD THINGS, I also see very frustrating things that are hard for me to look past. What I say may seem strange, (or actually, uncomfortably normal) but I believe God is calling me to share what He has placed on my heart for the church as a whole.

We have learned since we were little that we should always "stand up for what we believe in," even when the consequences are great. While it MIGHT have been easy enough to apply that to situations like saying no to drugs and drinking, or not cheating on a test, when it comes to the real world and the reality that we might offend someone, it suddenly gets a lot harder.

It seems that of the great mix of people I see all around the world today, Christians are the ones who are under the most discrimination. OUR National day of prayer was the one threatened. "One nation under God," in the Pledge of Allegiance is at stake. The public opposite of us defends themselves saying that they fight against what this nation was built on, because of what Christianity represents as a whole, because what we are is "offensive" to people who don't share the same beliefs, but that's not the truth. The truth is that we as Christians were not and are not offensive enough.

That's right. Not offensive enough. Jesus has standards that He holds us to, and yet as humans we are scared of other people. Scared they won't like us, or scared they will be angry and offended by what we have to say even when it is the truth.

I think that the reason that our nation is where it is today, is because when sin and degrading morals started creeping into our laws and our land, the church winked at it. The Church was afraid that if they said things that wouldn't be popular, that they would be "behind the times." I'm sure that NO ONE 100 years ago ever dreamed of making same sex marriage, assisted suicide, or partial-birth abortion legal, and yet now these are some of the greatest controversial topics of our time. Had the church been on the offense from the beginning, and not been afraid TO OFFEND, I sincerely do not believe our nation would be in as dark of a place as it is now.

It is not to say there aren't Christians who are living their lives as God's offensive warriors; people who are fighting for what is right, and aren't afraid of what others may think of them for speaking the truth. There ARE those people! They are my heroes, and yet SO MANY others have accepted the mindset that they can't really do anything to change a small part of the world, or that they would lose everything (their reputation, their place amongst peers, etc.) if in fact they could, and Jesus "would never want them to do that," so they stay in their comfort zone their whole lives without ever making the dent in history that God intended for them to. Jesus wasn't exactly the most popular guy around, in fact, people ended up hating Him so much that they crucified Him. When He spoke the truth, the pharisees didn't like hearing what He had to say. Countless people were offended by the way He lived a life of uncompromising righteousness, but He did it anyways because He knew it was right. He knew His daddy was pleased with Him. Shouldn't it also be enough for us, to know that God is well pleased with the way we live our lives? Don't you think God knows everything? That Jesus died so that his father could carry out His amazing plans in your life and then spend the rest of eternity with you? Don't you know how much HE loves YOU and wants you to have the most exciting life, more exciting and crazy than your wildest dreams? He has such amazing plans for each and every person on this planet, but He asks that you trust Him with your life. If He asked you to get up in front of your church congregation and confront them about something He laid on your heart, would you do it? Would you speak up about your beliefs in the presence of people you deemed more important than yourself? Or would you stay quiet? I know that I have struggled many times with this. I don't have the perfect track record of doing everything that tiny little voice inside me is nudging me to do, but this I know, God has given me a boldness when I have asked for it, and I will not be silent when He is asking me to speak any longer. I may miss it, or mess up sometimes, but I won't say that I didn't try.

I pray that as I learn how to be the offensive warrior God called me to be, my life would affect others around me. I pray that today I have challenged you to be bold in the way you live your life, and that you now have more desire to be who He created you to be; a warrior who will take up their cross and do whatever it takes to follow our Savior, even if it means giving up EVERYTHING you hold close. In the end, HE is all that remains.

May God bless you and make you His own personal offensive warrior.
Love,
Hannah

First pre trip update!!

Hello to all my friends and family! This update is for those of you who received my letter (or those that didn't!!) and are checking for news!

So far, I have booked both my domestic and international flights. Those two tickets combined were quite expensive parts of my trip, but God is faithful to me and I am confident that He will provide for what He has called me to do this summer for Him! I am leaving home on June 29th for Minneapolis and will be there until the 2nd of July when we'll fly to Beijing. 36 more days!! How exciting!!!

There are several big prayer points for right now;

• That the visa process would go smoothly and that I would get my visa on time
• God would constantly be preparing my heart for what I'm going to be a part of while I'm there.
• The hearts of my sisters who suffer emotional scarring from abandonment would fully grasp how much I love them and that I will be coming back even though I'll be away for a long time.
  

• God would prepare my heart and the hearts of my precious friends for coming together to live as one family and that there would be a general peacefulness between the five of us.
  

That's all there is to tell (and ask) for right now, but I will update the blog frequently with any new information. If anyone would like any additional information about the trip, feel free to email me or leave a comment requesting it! Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog! God bless you! Have a great day!

Hannah

Extraordinary sacrifice

Dictionary definition of extraordinary: Beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular, or established.

Life could be so much more extraordinary if I lived with the mindset that in order to live a life that would count for God, I would have to look for ways and be willing to step outside my comfort zones. I wish I was like that. I wish that I could say that I have been faithful in looking for a way to do something that would make a difference even if it was awkward or uncomfortable or frightening to me every single day, but if I was honest, I would say I definitely haven't. This week I was at a conference and Heidi Baker, founder of Iris ministries in Mozambique, was speaking. She asked the question, "What would YOU do for God if the inheritance He says He promised you was actually real?"

What's the answer to that question? I think for each of us it's different, and yet as Christians we all SHOULD have one thing in common; love. The person who resonates the love of the Father towards His children is attractive! If the name of Jesus never came out of my mouth without someone prompting it, would the world be able to tell that *I* were a child of God? Does MY life mirror the heart of my heavenly Father in a way that would make people want to be around me because I'm different than the others?

I'm stepping into a new season. Since the time that I was 11, my social life has always been number one. Friends, parties, movies, the next social event. Hands down, it was always the most important thing to me. I thrived off of interactions with my friends. Surprisingly, when I moved back to being right down the road from them, THAT'S when I started changing. I can honestly say in a million years I never thought that NOW would be when I'd have my "social crisis," but slowly I find myself coming to all these unexpected conclusions. Slowly, little by little, God has begun to strip away my attachments to my precious social life, and He has begun to impart into me an understanding of how important my time is to Him. He's jealous for MY time. He wants MY time. For HIS purposes. A friend of mine once made a really amazing yet extremely simple point that has stuck with me for months now. She said, "Jesus DIED for YOU. He went through the most excruciating pain, and all He desires, is our time. How dare we have the GUTS to tell him NO?"

Powerful words. Sadly, I forget them all too often. My prayer for my life is that I would start remembering more often that every second of my short time here on this earth counts either for something or nothing. Time is too short to waste.

Dictionary definition of sacrifice: the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

THE definition of extraordinary sacrifice? The cross. The reason for it? The holiest purest love anyone could ask for.

So what does extraordinary sacrifice look like for me? Living outside my comfort zone. Simple as that. God didn't ask me to die on a cross. He did that for me. His one greatest desire is for me to understand how much He loves me, and then for me to be able to take the joy and beauty that comes out of that knowledge and spread it to the people around me and around the world. That's what my extraordinary sacrifice looks like. If every Christian would strive to love the way Jesus loved, even in our humanistic imperfections, how much better would that make the world? Perhaps 32% of teens wouldn't attempt suicide, maybe kids in Africa wouldn't be mercilessly made into murderers, and just possibly, it would be easier for broken hearts to heal. There will always be pharisees, there will always be Sunday school Christians, and there will always be people hurting people, but MY goal for MY life, is to do my best to mirror God's love to others. I'll never be a perfect person, but God sees me as beautiful. He is pleased when His children desire to walk out a life of love.

The smallest and unworthy sacrifice I could ever give in exchange for the greatest most extraordinary sacrifice of all, is my life for His purposes. I know I'm not super woman. I know I can't save the world, but God can change it, and He can use me to help accomplish that. In the words of Helen Keller:

"I am only one, yet still I am one,
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something,
and because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do,
the something that I CAN do"

Be looking for more blog updates soon as I am preparing to head to China for two months this summer. Today was just my two cent's worth. :)

With Love,
Hannah